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Panties

The other day, a 50-something year old male came into the ER, guarding his abdomen, hunched over due to pain. I introduced myself and started an IV, and told him I needed him to give a urine sample. I offered to put a robe on him so he wouldn't be flashing his backside. He commented, "Oh, that's okay. I have panties on."

I waited for a second, then looked at his wife and smiled, and she smiled back. I asked, "Did you just say you were wearing panties?"

He said, "Um, yeah." We all started laughing.

A few hours later, when I was discharging him, he asked, "You're not going to tell anyone that I called my underwear 'panties,' are you?"

I replied, "Oh, you bet I'm going to tell people!"

Death

The movie that came to me from Netflix this week happened to be "Beaches." A poor choice to watch tonight, as it turns out, given the timing of events this week.

Yesterday, we received a medic call to alert us that in less than 10 minutes, they would be bringing a 50 year old male who was pulseless; CPR in progress. This is never a happy prognosis. Upon arrival, the pt. was a big, strapping, overweight black man with cornrows, still wearing his waterproof construction pants. He had been on the job site, and had collapsed, vomited, and was unresponsive. When the medics arrived, apparently he had no pulse, so they commenced with CPR and then got a pulse back, and a shockable rhythm. They shocked him and followed the ACLS algorithm with the appropriate drugs and electricity. Twice, they were able to "get him back," as we call it. Probably his soul was gone, but his heart responded with a normal rhythm for a few seconds, and a palpable pulse. That's plenty to give …

Oct. 14, 2008

Today is the birthday of one of my first big childhood crushes--Ben Lee. He was tall, older, dark, handsome. And ever since I was 9 years old, I've remembered his birthday. I wonder what he's up to today. I hope he's happy:)

And hopefully not visiting an ER. Like one of several interesting patients that came through triage today, where I was assigned. One was a 50 year old male with a dildo stuck up his rectum. Obviously, he was unable to retrieve this accessory on his own, and after 10 hours of trying and straining away (talk about an urge to go), he showed up, shamefacedly, at my ER. Embarrassing....but not an automatic surgical case like the guy from a while ago who came in with that long, flat-ended vacuum cleaner attachment stuck up his rectum into his intestines which were necrotic by the time he checked into the ER, with poop coming out of the vacuum end.

Another patient after being discharged immediately checked in again. Hoping for a better outcome, I guess. Or, mor…